


Self Sacrifice

by WolfKomoki



Series: 25 emotions challenge [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Gen, Self-Hatred, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 05:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12382035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfKomoki/pseuds/WolfKomoki
Summary: When Barry found out who Savitar was, he realizes that there was only way one to keep Iris safe. He needed to die.





	Self Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> The Flash is owned by The CW.  
> PSA: If you or someone you know may be feeling suicidal, then please call someone. http://lifeisstrange.com/talk/

          Barry watched as Savitar slowly stepped out of his suit. He’d wanted to know who Savitar is for a while now, and that’s when Barry sees his own face looking back at him. Savitar was blind in his right eye, and the right side of his face was covered in burns. Barry couldn’t believe his eyes. He’d wanted to know Savitar’s identity for some time now. After all, he’s been a thorn in his side for ages. Now that he knows Savitar’s identity, he wished that he didn’t.

Savitar had been this faceless monster, one that Barry had felt anger towards. He couldn’t be mad at Savitar, because there wasn’t a face that he could associate with his anger. As Barry looks at Savitar, it hits him like a ton of bricks. Since he is Savitar, that means that he created Alchemy. Julian was Alchemy because of him. Wally was Kid Flash because of him. Iris was going to die because of him. He’s Barry Allen, but he’s the Flash too. He’s the Flash, but he’s Savitar too.

          He didn’t understand why Caitlin had agreed to work with him so easily. Couldn’t understand why she’d trusted him so easily. Now that he knows that he is Savitar, it all makes sense. Caitlin was willing to work with Savitar, because he is Savitar. Eddie was right when he called the Flash a menace. Barry becomes Savitar, which means that he turns into a monster. Barry knows who Savitar is now, and he wished that he didn’t.

          Barry runs to Joe’s home, knowing that he wouldn’t be there until later. He’s scared now. Scared of becoming a monster. Scared of hurting the people he cares about. Scared of becoming _him_. He’s a monster. A terrifying monster through, and through. His fingers were clawing at his suit now, trying to get it off his body. He doesn’t deserve his suit, not when he becomes Savitar.

          He’s going to kill Iris. He’s going to hurt Wally. He made Julian become Alchemy. And he manipulated Caitlin. Barry opens the suit, shivering from the cold air coming from the air conditioner. He didn’t deserve the suit. He wasn’t a hero anymore, he was a _monster_. A cold-hearted monster, incapable of remorse.

          A loud gasp escapes from his throat, his entire body shaking with fear. He needs to be locked up. He needs to be stopped. He doesn’t want to become Savitar. He doesn’t. _Please_ don’t let him become Savitar. He sees Joe’s gun in the gun case. Slowly, he opens the case, taking the gun in his hands as he races down to his and Iris’s apartment. Iris was at work right now, so there was no one to interrupt what he needs to do.

 

          Barry goes to his and Iris’s room, and that’s when he starts filling out some envelopes. He’s addressed them to Iris, Wally, Joe, Cisco, and Caitlin. He’s telling them how sorry he is. How sorry he is for putting them in danger. How sorry he is that he turns into such a monster, and most of all, he’s sorry that they found out who Savitar was.

          Now that he had these notes written, he puts them in the envelopes, and he stamps them. After that, he puts them in the mailbox, ready for them to be mailed off. After that, he goes back to his room, and that’s when he places his hand on the pistol, the cold metal against his hand. He thinks of Joe, and how he’d react upon his death. Naturally, he would be devastated.

          He thinks of Iris, and his reasons for doing this becomes stronger. If he dies, then Savitar won’t be around to kill Iris in the future. If he dies, then everything that Savitar did to his friends will be erased. He thinks of Wally and how he’ll blame himself for being too slow to stop Barry from doing this to himself. Barry’s heart hurts when he imagines Iris coming in here to find him dead in their bedroom with a gunshot to the head.

          He thinks of Cisco and how he won’t be able to understand why his best friend didn’t talk to him before committing suicide. He thinks of Caitlin, who won’t even care that he’s gone because she’s currently by Savitar’s side. He had caused all this when he had gone back in time, and now he can finally make up for it. Barry deactivated the safety, knowing that Joe keeps it on at all times. Next, he loads the gun with bullets, knowing that he always keeps the gun empty for safety reasons. Finally, he placed the gun under his chin.

          Just one shot and this would all be over with. Just one shot, and he could be with his mom and dad again. He could be with Nora, and Henry. He could be with them again, and Iris would be safe. Tears poured from Barry’s eyes, and that’s when he pulls the trigger. Barry’s body falls limp after that, the blood splattering against the wall. The gun falls out of his hand, and clatters against the floor. When Barry shot himself, Killer Frost watched as Savitar faded out of existence before her very eyes. Wait, if Savitar just faded out of existence, then that means that Barry is dead.

          Iris gets home later that night, and that’s when she realizes something: Barry still hasn’t come home yet. Slowly, she grabs her phone, and that’s when she calls Barry’s phone. Iris was confused when she hears Barry’s ringtone start playing. Eventually, Iris finds Barry, and that’s when she drops her phone in shock.

          “ _No_! Barry!” She screams, running over to him. When she gets over to him, that’s when she sees the bullet hole in his head. Iris starts sobbing at this point. How could she not have known that Barry was hurting? How could she not know that he was planning on killing himself? Iris holds Barry close, sobbing into his chest. It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t fair. She was supposed to be Mrs. West-Allen, and now, she never will.

 

         

 

 

 

         

         

 


End file.
